3⁄4 oz Limoncello
3⁄4 oz Strawberry eau de vie (squirrel-infused)
3⁄4 oz Raspberry Shrub
3⁄8 oz Cranberry (Pickled)
4 pn Tartaric acid powder
1 ds Demerara syrup (3:1)
1 rinse Grenadine

Plant, grow, ferment, and distill eaux de vie from lemons, strawberries, and Douglas Fir on-site in the greenhouse on the terrace of your Brooklyn loft. (Must be on-site. Must be Brooklyn.) Sweeten the lemon eau de vie with fresh cane syrup. Infuse the strawberry eau de vie with squirrel (fresh only!). Combine. Hand craft a barrel out of staves rescued from your father's first yacht and age spirits in barrel for six weeks or until you've grown bored and moved on to your next artisanal project, whichever comes first. Empty barrel, and heart. Combine contents of barrel (but not heart) with handmade raspberry shrub (with raspberries plucked from your significant other's father's estate) and authentic Maraschino liqueur. In a mortar and pestle, mash with pickled cranberries overnight. Strain. Ferment in the gullet of a hoatzin, the Guyanese stink-bird (for that touch of Demerara smoke!). Kill and gut bird; double strain. In Erlenmeyer flask, add tartaric acid (fresh squeezed only!) and Demerara syrup, then smash the flask over a rotary evaporator and evaporate its contents rotarily. Convert the remaining liquid into a spray and serve out of an atomizer inserted into the mouth of a grenadine-rinsed and hand-taxidermied squirrel (eastern gray only!). Splash Fernet Branca (or other difficult amaro) until fragrant. Serve up.


Adapted for the modern palate from a recipe by Jerry Thomas.

Cocktail summary
Created by
Dale DeGroff, Clyde Common, Williamsburg, MA, as told to Rafa GarcĂ­a Febles over Slippery Nipples in Monaco.
Is an
altered recipe
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4 stars
(5 ratings)
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  • hilarious!
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bza commented on 4/01/2013:

Minor quibble, I know, but this drink was originally served down.