Muddle cucumber and lemon slices in a chilled silver chalice, add Pimm's, soda and ginger wine. Stir and add ice to fill the glass, garnish.

Mix all but Demerara rum and mint with ice and give a brief shake. Pour over crushed ice in a Collins and swizzle. Top with more ice and mint sprig. Pour burning Lemon Hart 151 over mint sprig to create Spindletop oil gusher (it should extinguish shortly). Serve with straw.

Combine all but bubbly, muddle, shake with ice, double strain over fresh ice in a Collins and top with bubbles, garnish, serve with straw.

Plant, grow, ferment, and distill eaux de vie from lemons, strawberries, and Douglas Fir on-site in the greenhouse on the terrace of your Brooklyn loft. (Must be on-site. Must be Brooklyn.) Sweeten the lemon eau de vie with fresh cane syrup. Infuse the strawberry eau de vie with squirrel (fresh only!). Combine. Hand craft a barrel out of staves rescued from your father's first yacht and age spirits in barrel for six weeks or until you've grown bored and moved on to your next artisanal project, whichever comes first. Empty barrel, and heart. Combine contents of barrel (but not heart) with handmade raspberry shrub (with raspberries plucked from your significant other's father's estate) and authentic Maraschino liqueur. In a mortar and pestle, mash with pickled cranberries overnight. Strain. Ferment in the gullet of a hoatzin, the Guyanese stink-bird (for that touch of Demerara smoke!). Kill and gut bird; double strain. In Erlenmeyer flask, add tartaric acid (fresh squeezed only!) and Demerara syrup, then smash the flask over a rotary evaporator and evaporate its contents rotarily. Convert the remaining liquid into a spray and serve out of an atomizer inserted into the mouth of a grenadine-rinsed and hand-taxidermied squirrel (eastern gray only!). Splash Fernet Branca (or other difficult amaro) until fragrant. Serve up.

Muddle leaves with lime and sugar, add rum, shake, strain into ice-filled rocks glass.

Dry shake and pour into a sugar-rimmed, crushed ice-filled cocktail glass. Lemon peel garnish.

Peel and slice 10 qucambers. Put in air tight jar, with 5 basil sprigs, gin and aperol for a couple of hours. Taste. Strain. Cut the lemons to cubes, muddle in large bowl. Add liquere, syrup, cucamber juice. Garnish with slices cucambers and basil leaves.

Rub mint along the inside of the serving glass to express the oil and discard. In mixing tin, muddle peach preserves or slice in honey, add other ingredients, shake, double strain, coupe, garnish with a single mint leaf.

Shake, double strain over rocks. If served up, call it a Lion in a Coma.

Build in Collins over ice.